There are certain people who have no filter. We all know someone (perhaps many someones) like that. They simply state whatever they are thinking about, no matter how inappropriate or disturbing or just plain weird their thoughts might be. In the past, people like this have caused many of us to exclaim in disgust: "Eww... TMI!" Of course, no one actually says 'TMI' anymore. You know, 'cause it's lame. Instead, we just quietly mock the non-filterers behind their backs. Sometimes I guess we even mock them not-so-quietly. It seems to me that Facebook enhances this "say anything" attitude in such people. Twitter probably does, too, but I think Twitter is stupid and I refuse to have anything to do with it, so we'll just pretend it doesn't exist. Anyway, I have been on the lookout for quite some time now for Facebook comments that are worthy of screen space on MyIdiotList. Like an 1849 gold prospector at Sutter's Mill, I have spent hours combing the vast Facebook landscape, searching for these gems -- these nuggets of nausea, these diamonds of disgust, these rubies of repulsion, these... just really weird things that people say. I haven't been alone in my quest; I have had the help of countless family and friends (mostly family... 'cause, as it turns out, you don't get very many friends when you're going around calling everyone an idiot). So, without further ado, I present to you, in no particular order, my collection of
FACEBOOK IDIOTS!
(The following items have all actually been posted on Facebook... the names may have been changed.)
Public Personal Groomer Just pulled out a big hang nail on my thumb! Ouch!
[That's great. Go get a manicure and then DON'T tell us about it.]
Plastic Surgery Chick has been to McDonald's, Arctic Circle, and Wendy's all in the last hour. Don't judge me.
[Then don't post it. We won't judge you if you don't post it.]
Bored Mommy At Home My sweet Savannah just threw up 4 times in the last 30 minutes. I feel so bad for her.
[That's a shame. You know what else? Everyone throws up... and no one wants to hear about it.]
Inattentive Mommy Woke up from a nap to the sound of her kids using a power drill in the back yard.
[Next time you'll wake up to the sound of Child Protective Services at your door.]
30-Year Old Guy A colonoscopy isn't bad at all. In fact, you're asleep the entire time. It's just the prep and recovery that's a pain in the ass (pun intended)
His Friend, the Enabler yeah it is true - did you enjoy your "crap" cocktail yesterday?
30-Year Old Guy It reminded me of split pea soup :)
His Friend, the Enabler I am sure you just had a great day yesterday - hopefully they can actually figure out what is wrong with you
30-Year Old Guy I have ulcers in my colon. He just wanted to make sure it hasn't gotten worse
Voice of Reason Dude, you seriously need to take some vitamins or something.
[Wow. So much to say here, but all I can get out is... Wow.]
She Posts Only Part of the Conversation Sometimes we need to pull a little of the Mormon out of our butts....just sayin.
[What does this even mean? There are so many different ways this can be interpreted, some of them not so flattering.]
Pregnant Mommy is up having a snack. 4:12am
Pregnant Mommy is craving Dad's root beer? What the heck?
Pregnant Mommy made it to the the thrift store and back into the van before the gagging started.
Pregnant Mommy nearly threw up while I was on the phone with someone. Not having a good day today.
[Okay, we get it. You're pregnant. We don't need the play-by-play every few minutes.]
Schmoopsy McPoopsie Wow!! Ending the day with poop up the back and down the leg and 2nd bath....not me....Mr. Sam!! A mom's day never officially ends.
[Hold on... you said you were ending the day with that, and then you said your day never ends. I'm so confused... and for so many reasons.]
Teenage Drama Queen put THIS AS YOUR STATUS AND SEE WHAT PEOPLE RATE YOU: 1=crazy, 2 = I’d marry you, 3=talkative, 4= sarcastic , 5= I miss you , 6= moody ,7= dumb, 8= mouthy, 9= spoiled, 10= random, 11= hot, 12= funny, 13= fit, 14= amazing, 15= tough, 16= cute, 17= beautiful , 18= nerdy, 19= I love you, 20= adorable, 21= totally blonde, 22=my favorite, 23=Great!
[How about 24=Needy.]
Little Miss Classy "Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get, then wonder what to do with it."
[It's so not like that at all.]
I hear that the fine folks at BookofFame are offering to print and bind a notebook filled with your favorite Facebook posts. Let's hope none of the spotlighted folks above find out about that service. Some things do not need to be archived for future generations.
Anyone else have any fantastic Facebook posts to share?
Those are awesome. I was going to forward this to some of my friends, but then I thought that maybe some of them could be on this list.
ReplyDeleteI hate all the mushy ones. If you want to make-out with your husband/wife, don't do it on FB. We know you love him/her, duh because you married him/her. And to brag about your love only makes others feel bad. Or barf.