Jennifer Hansen... pay attention to what I have to say! Are you listening? Good. Here we go:
Jennifer, you are an idiot!
Congratulations, you have earned a place on MyIdiotList, because you need to figure out what your email address is and quit using mine! While I'm kind of entertained to read what you are ordering from Eddie Bauer these days, I hate that you apparently signed up to receive frequent emails from them. Yep, hate.
I'm sure you will look lovely (actually, I have no idea what you look like, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt) in the Miraclesuit Double Feature Kara One-Piece Swimsuit (Brown/White) that you ordered last week, although at 128 bucks, it seems a bit pricey. Also, the Miraclesuit Swim Shorts ($56) sound like a nice touch, although I'm not so sure their black color will really go with the brown/white number above. I could be wrong, though. I don't have much fashion sense. The Miraclesuit Lingerie Tankini Top is quite fetching in the cherry color you ordered, and it's a steal at $79, although I don't think you're the one that's doing the stealing. Finally I'm sure the $64 ATHENA Pick Your Fit Larita Racerback Tankini you ordered in brown will turn some heads on the beach. Or maybe it will just turn some stomachs -- I really can't say.
I was ecstatic to have received the email the other day to let me know that FedEx had delivered your order to your home in Idaho. No, really, I was.
The latest email that Eddie Bauer sent to me (and not to you) has me wondering what to do. I'm supposed to rate how you like the Embroidered Cabin Sherpa Fleece Hoodie and the 4" Water Shorts. I'm not sure if you're planning on wearing them together, but they seem to be for two different seasons (especially in Idaho). So, if you could please tell me how you like them, then I will click the link in the email and rate them for you. Otherwise, I'll just say they suck.
Well, Jennifer, it's been fun. (Except not really.) Enjoy your latest Eddie Bauer purchases. Because next time, I'm just going to cancel your order for you.
Cheers.
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I can't stop laughing. Especially the part where you're going to rate her purchases for her.
ReplyDeleteDo you think she wonders why she's not getting any of her emails? I can just see her opening up her inbox every day, and there sits nothing. What a blow to her self-esteem.