John White

I know it's been a while since I last publicly named an idiot.  I hope none of you have been thinking that there just aren't any idiots anymore.  Ha ha.  We all know that's not true.  If anything, there are so many idiots to pick from, that I have a hard time choosing one to write about.

Here's what's usually been happening: I'll start looking though my list of idiots, trying to find one that would make a good story.  I'll narrow my list down to 10 or 20 that are real gems.  Then I'll really look at the merits (and demerits) of each one.  Then I'll evaluate them and rank them each on a 15-point scale scientifically proven to weed out the fluff and get to the juicy good ones.  Then I'll get bored and go make a sandwich and watch Dirty Jobs on TV, forgetting all about My Idiot List for another day.

That's what usually happens.

Today, however, I decided to just pick the first idiot that I came across.  His name is John White.

Here's what he looks like:

(The photo is courtesy of ksl.com, and I think they probably got it from the police.)

Anyway, little Johnny went for a drive to a friend's house (or a dealer's house -- whatever) last night.  He had the address, but he just couldn't seem to find the place.  So he went to a Maverik gas station in Orem, Utah, and asked to use the phone.  He was handed a cordless phone, which he claimed didn't work.  So the employee handed John his personal cell phone and began helping another customer.

So what does Johnny-boy do?  He takes off with both phones and leaves the address on a slip of paper on the counter.

Mr. Maverik employee called the po-lice, who sent an officer to the address on the slip of paper left behind by Wing-Nut White.  While en route to that address, the officer was flagged down by a motorist (one John White) who asked directions to the same address.  The officer keenly noticed that this motorist looked an awful lot like the description Mr. Maverik gave of the perp.  Putting 2 and 2 together, the officer arrested John White, and found both phones in his car, along with some marijuana.

Where to begin?  Um, let's start with the theft.  I can understand stealing the cell phone... maybe it was a really cool one, but a cordless phone?  Really?  You know, 'cause those work when they're miles away from their base.

Then you leave the address of where you're going at the scene of the crime, get lost on your way to the address, and flag down a POLICEMAN to help you find your way.  That makes sense.  Nothing to ridicule here.

Oh, and having marijuana in the car when you flag down a policeman for help?  I don't really need to go into that, do I?

John White...  what a boring name.  Maybe that's why he's doing stupid crimes.  "Hmmm... my name is boring.  My life is boring.  What else is there to do?"  I think next time he gets bored like that, someone should hook some jumper cables up to his earrings and try to shock the stupid out of him.  Couldn't hurt.

Idiota!

(Thanks to KSL for contributing to this post.  http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=10140576)