That "one" client

I have a lot of really great clients who are very organized and bring in their tax papers early and pay promptly.  I'm not talking to them in this post.  This post is for those few clients who test me.  

You know who you are, so pay attention!

It's not my fault that you and your spouse made more money in 2008 than you did in 2007.  It's not my fault that you haven't had enough taxes withheld.  It's not my fault that your mortgage is now paid off and you don't have any interest to deduct.  It is also not my fault that you now owe a bunch of money in taxes.  I can only do so much.

If you would like to trade MY income tax refund for YOUR paid-off mortgage and total income, then let's make a deal!  I would love to be making what you are.  

Please don't make comments to me like, "Next year we'll ALL do better."  Honestly, I'm doing my job within the bounds of the law.  If anyone needs to do better, it's you.  If you don't like your taxes done honestly, then do us both a favor and find a shyster that doesn't care about preparer penalties for willful disregard of the tax laws.  I have other things I'd like to spend $5000 on, thank you.

I don't like it when you blame me because your refund is too small or because you owe money this year.  Hello!?!  You make more than $150k a year, your house is paid off and you've got no kids living at home.  I can give you advice on what you can do to cut back on your tax liability, but you've got to put on your big boy pants and either follow my suggestions or suck it up.  Find a favorite charity or two and donate more than $25.  Like a lot more.

Oh, and don't tell me that your brother or your friend or your cousin's former college roommate always gets a huge refund, and then ask me why that is.  I've never met your brother, and I have no idea what sort of tax deductions (real or imagined) he has running around his house.  I may have met your cousin's former college roommate, but because of confidentiality and ethics, I'm not going to tell you why she is getting such a large refund.  If she wants to tell you, that's her choice.

Please don't show up two weeks before tax day and then complain when your taxes aren't done within a couple of days.  Didja think that maybe I have other clients who brought their stuff in before you?  I'm not saying you are less important than they are; I'm just being fair to everyone.  I will get your taxes done before April 15, but your repeated phone calls only take me away from actually working on your return.

I know there are only a few special people that are this way.  Most people are really nice and understand that sometimes things don't work out how they'd like.  But the ones that don't understand kinda bug me sometimes.  I just have to put on my nice face and talk in my nice voice, but occasionally I'd like to say a bit more.